If you're dating someone new and unsure if manipulation tactics are at play or if you're just overreacting, this will help you.
If you're a woman in the dating scene at some point you will and more than likely already have encountered a player. These social manipulators range anywhere from casual attention-seekers, all the way up to narcissists and even psychopaths. Recognizing the methods of these people is crucial for protecting yourself from energy-manipulation and disempowerment.
Why players exist
Throughout our society and within pop-culture and popular media, the archetype of the mischievous guy with boyish good looks or the suave Don Juan, have become common images people look up to or accept. Due to the breakdown of the traditional home and the societal imbalance due to hyper-sexualization in media, depictions becoming a player or "ladies man" is something a lot of men seek to aspire to. Women are more susceptible to these manipulations due to their empathic nature and desire for home-life structures. Of course, not all players are men and some can be women as well, but for the sake of clarity we will focus on men players right now.
What players and social manipulators look for
There are many types of players but typically they operate through preying on a woman's perceived weakness. These can range and examples include:
the desire to feel beautiful
the desire to feel loved
the desire to have a safe and comfortable relationship
the desire to feel confident
If a player recognizes an insecurity or vulnerability in any of these he or she may use that to develop a deeper connection or even trust which makes it seem like he is the answer to her problems.
Different signs to watch out for
Be wary of anyone who enters the dating scene saying they are "not ready" for a relationship. This is a massive tale-tale sign that the person has a different agenda other than a loving-relationship. Typically in this case, it is an individual who is seeking to stall the other person out and get them to lower their boundaries.
Frequent absences: If the person you're seeing is constantly missing or not around, or if they take several days’ engagement and the suddenly disappear, this may be a sign it's a player. Typically, during these absences they are setting up something with someone else and are comfortable with the idea that you will be around in the future. If you notice that they go through frequent periods of consistent interaction than ghosting, you are almost most definitely dealing with a player.
All talk and no action: If the person you are dating makes enormous claims such as saying you are their dream girl, soul mate, or long lost love from another life, any exuberant claims such as these without taking actions to secure you in the connection and lock down the connection are signs they are manipulating you. Also, watch out for guys who try to rush things way too fast without getting to know you at all. It's not him following his gut instinct, it's him trying to control the pace of a relationship in order to maintain control over you.
Pushing for certain parts of the relationship, but holding back others: If the person you are seeing wants to rush certain parts of the connection such as intimacy, extravagant trips, or affection such as cuddling and touching; while at the same time holding back significant aspects of themselves, this could be a sign of manipulation. An example is, they may overshare about things such as an ex or a traumatic story in order to gain sympathy, but will hold back other important parts such as their background and life experiences. If you find when you evaluate the relationship you know little about your partner, or potential partner. This could be a sign manipulation is involved.
Gatekeeping the relationship: This is probably the biggest red flag of all. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells with your partner or feel like your partner is the one controlling access to them on their terms and their terms alone, you are probably dealing with a player. Example, if you don't have the comfort level of being able to reach out via phone call, text, or in-person interaction without coming under scrutiny. Another example is only being able to call or interact with them on certain days. There are many examples, but in general if the person is trying to induce they're the one that sets the rules for the relationship and not you, you're definitely dealing with a potential unhealthy relationship.
What to do if you determine you may be dealing with a player or manipulator
Cut them off immediately! No explanations and no second chances. Once a player realizes you are becoming aware of their tactics, rather than be transparent and honest with you they will seek future ways of trying to deceive or even worse retaliation. In order for a players techniques to work you must be unaware that the subtle forms of manipulation are even going on. That's why knowledge and knowing these techniques will help you make the right decisions going forward to move away from bad or unhealthy romantic connections.
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